とにかく日記をつけてリフレクションすることの重要性を語っている
Lack of Confidence
What it looks like:
● You don't apply for a job because you don't meet 100% of the requirements
● You don't accept an assignment because you're never done it before and doubt you’re the
best person to do it
● You feel like they hired the wrong person Strategies to try:
1. It’s important to address those gremlins in your head. What are you telling yourself? Can you change the script? This is a great time to start a journal to capture self-limiting beliefs. When you’re telling yourself you’re not good enough, rephrase it as a positive. Try adding the word YET. I’m not a good presenter YET. Or adopt a new, more positive voice. Turn “Am I?” Into “I AM!”. I AM good enough. I AM capable of doing this. Or I may not do it perfectly, but I’m going to learn from it. Or my goal is to go on this adventure. Congratulate yourself for adopting a positive stance. You may have to “fake it ‘til you make it.” Saying “I am a confident, caring and effective leader” will help manifest your innate leadership skills.
2. Ask yourself who you’re trying to please. Are you relying on what others think? Do their opinions matter? I found that I started enjoying public speaking when I got over myself. I stopped worrying about what others thought, and instead focused on the impact I hope to have. I tuned into my message and tuned out of my ego.
3. Keep a list of things you do well. When someone gives you positive feedback, capture it. Put it where you can review it frequently. Post it on your mirror so you see it every time you brush your teeth. Slip it under your car visor or in your wallet. These regular sources of inspiration go a long way toward building a positive mindset.
4. Seek support from others. Your friends and family are likely to build you up and amplify your strengths. Surround yourself with people who care about you, nourish your growth, and bring out the best version of you. If there are toxic individuals in your life, limit your time with them. Don’t underestimate the power of people to supercharge your confidence.
Fear of Failure
What it looks like:
● You may be reluctant to suggest a new idea because you're afraid it won't be well-received. ● You don't try a new approach because you might fail.
● You don't step up your responsibilities because you fear disappointing your boss. Strategies to try:
1. Commit to your personal growth. Make a decision you want to improve. Then recognize that growth by definition means you will at times fail.
2. Reframe and celebrate failure. As Thomas Edison famously said: “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Oprah says that failure is a stepping stone to greatness. She says it’s not failure if you enjoyed the process. If you learned something, did you really fail? In improv, they celebrate failure by taking the failure bow. It sounds crazy, but it’s actually a cathartic way to acknowledge that that approach didn’t work, and even have a little laugh about it. I frequently take the failure bow in the privacy of my own bedroom before bed. It’s a way to acknowledge I tried something new but hey, it didn’t work this time. It helps me not be so hard on myself.
3. Welcome feedback. While I used to hate receiving critical feedback, I have learned that over time, this feedback is what allows me to grow and improve. By adopting this longer-term perspective, AND by recognizing that EVERYONE fails from time to time, it’s easier to accept constructive feedback. Try branching out of your comfort zone and ASKING for feedback from people you respect. I find people who seek feedback very inspiring. Their humility and willingness to learn from others is a quality I seek to embrace. Also, remember that “room for improvement” does not equate to failure. Assume that the person providing feedback has your back and is interested in your growth.
4. Reflect on what you learned from an experience when you risked failing. What did you learn? Did it allow you to grow? To improve? To see something from a new vantage point? Ask yourself, What’s the worst thing that could happen? Can you deal with that outcome? What resources do you have to handle it? Are there some benefits that might come, even if the situation doesn’t work as expected? Perhaps start a ritual at night before bed. Ask yourself, “What did I learn today that’s going to inform how I might do something differently in the future?” And be sure to practice self-compassion. So you’ve bombed and disappointed. Who exactly did you disappoint? Chances are, it’s yourself.
Fear of Success
● What if my book takes off?
● What if my startup actually thrives?
● What if I get tapped for that big new job?
● What if I secure the new client...can I actually deliver?
● I’m not going to try harder because I know others can do it better.
● What if I attract a lot of online followers? Does that mean I’ll also attract more detractors and critics?
Strategies to try:
1. Start by journaling. Be real with yourself and ask what you really fear. Sometimes we have a gut sense of fear, but can’t articulate exactly what’s at the heart of it. Simply knowing you’re sabotaging yourself can be half the battle. Journaling is a great way to get in touch with deep feelings, especially those that may have been formed during early childhood experiences. What does success look like? Is this an accurate picture? For instance, is success getting a standing ovation? Having 100k followers? Perhaps redefining success would help. What exactly makes me uncomfortable about success? What is keeping me from pursuing what I want? Is there someone who could help me in my journey? Ask yourself what’s the worst that could happen? Some people use the “5 why’s” technique in order to go deeper. This is an iterative process that can sometimes expose the root cause of your fear. Start by ask yourself WHY you fear something. Then ask again why you fear what your wrote. Keep going 5 levels deep, peeling away the layers, and see what shows up for you. Sometimes the real, DEEPER why exposes new thinking and hidden fears.
2. Take stock of your past success. Are you feeling like you’ve achieved outer success, but inside, you have imposter syndrome? You write off your success to luck, and you’re afraid you’ll never be able to do it again. Worse, everyone will know!Write down the nice things people have said about you, capture highlights from a recent performance review. Itemize all the steps you took to achieve success. What did you have to say “yes” to? Chances are you merit your success. This realization can help you become more comfortable with your own success, and can help you strive for it in the future.
3. Craft mental imagery or visualizations around success. Is it realistic? Is it as bad as you think it might be? If you think that successful people are loud, arrogant jerks, try rethinking your image. Try SEEING yourself in the role. Feel the experience. Journal about it. Perhaps you can warm to it and change your perception of success. Imagery is used quite frequently by athletes, and the results are phenomenal. In the 2014 Sochi Olympics, the Canadian team came with 8 sports psychologists. As Canadian Bobsledder Lyndon Rush said: “I’ve tried to keep the track in my mind throughout the year. I’ll be in the shower or brushing my teeth. It just takes a minute, so I do the whole thing or sometimes just the corners that are more technical. I keep the ride fresh in my head in my head, so when I get there, I’m not starting at square one. It’s amazing how much you can do in your mind.”
4. What do you hope for? By focusing on your hope over your fear, it can be easier to embrace. For instance, you might fear public speaking. But you really want to positively impact others. You recognize that public speaking is the way you can have the most impact. By focusing on your hope to impact others, you can subdue your fears.
Perfectionism
● Does it take you twice as long to produce the report because you want it to be perfect? ● Do you suffer from analysis paralysis?
● Do you continually send your co-worker back for rework because it's not good enough?
● Do you hold back on suggesting a new idea unless you know it can be carried out flawlessly
and will result in success?
Strategies to try:
1. As with the other roadblocks, start with journaling. Recognizing this tendency is an important first step. In coaching, we are taught “Name it to tame it.” Simply identifying that you are a perfectionist – even if it only shows up in some areas – is a powerful way to get a handle on it. What is driving your perfectionism? Is it a desire to live up to others’ expectations of you? Is it something your parents drove into you?
2. Ask yourself how this trait is serving you? In what ways is perfectionism holding you back? What might open up for you if you could release the reigns of perfectionism? What are the downsides of perfectionism? How is it impacting your co-workers? What sources are reinforcing perfectionism? The media? A colleague? Can these influences be removed or subdued?
3. Try doing something less than 100%. Go for good enough. How does it feel? What happened as a result? Did it free up time to do something else that was important?
4. Remind yourself that a growth mindset by definition requires failure. You can’t be perfect AND have a growth mindset. A growth mindset requires you to attempt things that will not be perfect. But your job is to learn from them, and continually improve.
Feeling Stuck
● You have no idea how you want your life to look
● You don’t know which direction you want your career to take
● You don’t know what will bring joy and fulfillment
● You’re not clear about your core needs and values
● Life is undefined and insecure right now---you’re going through a major life transition, or weathering a storm
Strategies to try:
1. Take time for self-reflection. As Yogi Berra said, “If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll end up somewhere else.” We often feel stuck when we don't know what we want. We don't know our values and we're not in touch with our talents, passions, and goals. Our Personal Inventory 2-pager, included in the Resource section, is a good starting point. In this, we ask you to reflect on what fills you up, what drains you, what peak experiences you’ve had, your non-negotiable values, and even a personal vision statement for your life. Go on a personal retreat, even for just a few hours. This time you spend in self-reflection will serve you greatly.
2. Try Odyssey Planning, a strategy suggested in Bill Burnett and Dave Evan’s book, Designing Your Life. In this, you create 3 scenarios for yourself over the next 3-5 years. The first is a safe one, something you could probably do tomorrow. The second assumes this first one is not an option. What would you do next? And the third one involves blue sky thinking. If you could do ANYTHING, and time, money or talent were not an object, what would you do? By creating and examining these scenarios through journaling and action planning, you can often adopt fresh perspectives and open up new possibilities.
3. Seek out an accountability partner, coach or teacher. I'm continually amazed by how many good ideas come from others. Sometimes we're so stuck in our thinking that we can't see our way out. A partner who's willing to listen can often suggest ideas you've never considered. I probably wouldn’t be teaching today if a friend hadn’t suggested I might be good at it. Try finding a caring partner -- even someone who doesn't know you well -- to see what ideas they may have after hearing your goals, intents, and talents.
4. Don’t be afraid to change course. Sometimes we’re stuck with a plan that’s not working. Take time to evaluate your current path, and don’t be afraid to course-correct.
Inertia
● You want to write a book, but can't crank out the first chapter
● You want to master a new skill, but never get around to taking a class
● You have that laundry list of projects to do, but never check them off the list
Strategies to try:
1. Once again, start by journaling. Ask yourself what you want to achieve, and what’s holding you back. By getting in touch with the physical, mental, and emotional barriers, it’s easier to chip away at them. Are your goals too grand? Perhaps you need to right-size them. Perhaps using the 5-Why technique I described in Lecture 4 of this Section would be helpful. By going 5 layers deep into what may be holding you back, root causes are often exposed. It may even be the case that you’re not making progress because you’re pursuing the wrong path. Is this a signal that you should be doing something else? Also journal about where in your body are your feeling any sensations
2. Break a large task into many small tasks. Create small, achievable goals and reward yourself for meeting them. Then embark on your next goal. I like to play a game with myself to see how many items I can check off my task list in 30 minutes. When I have a task I dread, I take myself to my favorite coffee shop and find enjoyment through a good latte.
3. Create disciplined work time. Many people schedule unwelcome tasks into their day as a meeting with themselves. Figure out your peak energy time and complete it when you’re fresh and strong. Morning is often a good time to check off tasks, as the feeling of mastery can propel you through the rest of the day. And who knows, that early win may be the impetus to attack yet another task!
4. If you can’t muster the energy to accomplish a task, try setting your sights on the purpose behind it. Sometimes I dread writing a chapter for my book. But when I focus on the purpose of my book and the widescale impact I might have, it makes it easier to face the challenge. Rather than feeling deflated, I feel inspired. Have you lost sight of the overall purpose of your task? Are you stuck in the proverbial “process weeds?” Return to your WHY.
5. Find an accountability partner. Having someone check-in and hold you accountable may be just the impetus you need. My writing and business partner, Patty, and I had weekly Monday morning book check-ins to ensure we were each tracking on our writing commitments. I can’t tell you how many Sunday nights I spent cramming to meet my Monday deadline so I wouldn’t let Patty down.
